After experiencing another bad panic attack where my fears took over, I knew it was time to do something about it. “Coincidentally” I saw a message from Nicola on Facebook about an offer for an intensive program “Success without Anxiety”. I felt a deep longing: “How would it be like, to not be at the mercy of my fears and panic but instead to feel the wheel back into my own hands?” I realized that I had felt unsafe since birth and have been suffering from excessive fears for more than 60 years.
During the intake interview with Nicola, I got the feeling that she was the right person to help me. She asked the right questions and she answered my questions and above all intuitively. As an intuitive and (highly) sensitive person, that appealed to me. She also assured me that after going through this program, I would be on my way with what is my greatest desire: writing my book.
I felt a big yes to the program, but I also felt it was a lot of money. Did I want to spend so much money on something that I felt I could never get rid of? For more than 30 years, I have been doing courses and education in personal development, energy work, and coaching. What more could she have to offer me?
The fact that I said yes to this program has mainly to do with the skill I felt in Nicola, to guide me into dealing with my fears. I felt her complete acceptance of who I am and how I have done it in my life. I experienced her lack of judgment against my own harsh judgments of myself, as extremely healing.
It was not an easy process. I’ve struggled and looked deeply into my fears. And that was often very intense. I have felt my fear, my desperation, my panic, my anger, and from there I managed to feel the love for my fearful, angry little girl again. So that as an adult I gained access to my strength and self-direction again. The moment when I could really feel that I have the right to self-determination was a big breakthrough. I realized that no matter how much fear I feel, I can decide whether to stay in it or get out.
I’ve learned to be more gentle with myself. To shine light onto that what I condemn in myself and to gently learn to love it. To understand where my fears come from and understand that I did it the way I did it. Now I get that life is an up and down movement and therefore sometimes difficult and that I have the power and the strength to deal with it.
I slowly started to write as well, with so much effort at first. But slowly the pleasure began to come, the ease. The form in which I wanted to write became clear to me. Now I still don’t write every day but I write! And I enjoy it so much. There is no longer any doubt in me that the book I have in mind is coming!
Do I now no longer experience fear and panic? No, that is not so. I can still feel fear and even panic about some things in my life. And I feel my internal survival strategies taking over and fear grabs me by the throat, panic is lurking. But I have learned to deal with that. I now understand where it comes from and feel gentleness towards the fear. So that I gradually become calmer again. Sometimes I am amazed that something I would get into a panic about before and fall into judgment about myself, I can now deal with very calmly.
I feel stronger, more grounded in the earth. I am better at following my desire and I recognize my inner saboteur. I have learned to speak up, to be clear, and say NO. And especially to say YES to life.
I am grateful to Nicola for her boundless dedication to my healing process. Her serenity and voice have a healing effect. She is a star in personal guidance, intuitive and encouraging. She took me step by step to more inner healing. I felt like there was always support for me, no matter how difficult it was.
Now in retrospect, I can say that this program has been worth every penny I paid for it. This was the best investment I could give to myself.